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At the age of 12 I started my first “real” job, working for Dr. Neibert, DVM. I knew Doc from our visits with various pets and jumped at the chance to work with him. Although the bulk of Doc’s business dealt with house pets, farm calls were a regular occurrence and I looked forward to tagging along.
In order to persuade the cows to open wide, one must first insert what looks like ice tongs (with rounded ends, not points) into their nostrils. These are tightened by pulling on the rope attached to the far handle, which slides through an open ring on the second handle (much the same way a dog’s choker collar works). Once inserted and snugged up, you pull the cow’s head upward and its mouth drops open. The magnet is inserted past its tongue by means of a long stainless steel syringe-like plunger with rings for your index and middle finger and a sliding shaft with thumb ring that ejects the magnet from the tube. On my first of many farm visits that required the application of “animal magnetism,” our patient was a rather large bull. In order to hold him in place for treatment, the farmer had placed a nice bowl of grain outside the bullpen and closed the bars around its neck, preventing the bull from retreating.
Finally, Doc blurted out, “Yates, didn’t you ever hear the phrase, ‘grab the bull by the horns’?” as he walked up and wrapped his muscular arm around the bull’s horns, twisted its head to the side and deftly inserted the nose pincher. Stepping back, he removed them and once again handed them to me. Not to be outdone, I surged forward; grabbed that bull by the horns and rapidly discovered my light weight was no match for what was now one very angry bull as he whipped his head side-to-side with me grimly hanging on! Being thrashed into the sides of the door was a quick lesson in humility.
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Cows are pigs! They’ll eat just about anything left lying around, including pieces of metal. As a result, it is sometimes necessary to “feed” them long, cylindrical, plastic-coated magnets, which gather these bits of metal during their progression through the digestive system. A hefty deposit ensured the farmers had enough incentive to sift through the rather ample supply of fertilizer and return the magnets.
Doc demonstrated how easy it was to insert the nose tongs and instructed me regarding how to insert the magnet. He made it look so easy, I couldn’t wait to give it a try. Unfortunately, Mr. Bull had no intentions of allowing some snot-nosed kid any chance of looking good for the audience that had gathered. While the farmer and his family looked on in amusement, I attempted to insert the nose tongs. The bull simply turned his head.
